Alyha Love

I guess I should start by letting you know who I am. My name is Alyha Love and I am a lost child in this world. Why lost? I feel that way most of the time. I feel that as I get older I am getting even more lost than the day before, and I don’t want to be lost anymore. I want to be sure of something, ANYTHING. When we read articles, we try to get something out of it, some sort of message, a lesson, or a new perspective on things, so now, how am I going to do that for you? What different view can I give, what can you take after reading this? I hope theres something in my words for you to keep.

Photographs by Svenja-Trierscheid

Being the oldest amongst my siblings, I had to set an example. I had pressure to get good grades, and pave the way for my little sister and brother. It.was.HARD. My family had been going through a crisis pretty much ever since I was a teenager. My parents split up when I was nine. With my dad’s depression, and the lack of a mother in the house hold, I had to step up and take care of my loved ones. I would wake my siblings up for school every morning, feed them, and make sure they got to school safe. I feel like my childhood was taken away from me. I shouldn’t have had to do that, but I did, and in the end, it made me a more caring person.

I spark my splif, finish my frühstuck(breakfast), and put on some atmospheric tech house music. The sun is out, there are no clouds in the sky, from my patio I can feel the lingering chilled breeze, I suppose it got left behind from the middle of winter, it feels good. I feel good.

I remember wearing my first dress, walking out the front door of my home, I was terrified. It was the 4th of July, I remember telling myself “today is the day of our country’s independence, and today i have my independence”. The fear of being bashed or ridiculed was on my mind, my friends were the ones to give me the courage to step out that door, and enjoy being myself. It was only one day, but it helped me realized who I am. I always knew something was different about me when I was growing up. I only had friends who were girls, I wasn’t the boy that everybody expected me to be, especially my dad.

Written by Alyha Love.